PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
