You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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