His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
