I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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