I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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