He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
