he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
