Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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