I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
