That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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