The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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