why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
