I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
