Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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