Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
