you guys were way drunker than both of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
