He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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