He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
