I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
