SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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