i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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