just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
