Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize