you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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