The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize