I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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