I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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