I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
