if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize