I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize