Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I use my feet as sexual weapons
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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