remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You are a genius and a whore.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
