Where is the hickey?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
