you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
