1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize