You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
