If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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