Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
