He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
