Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
