dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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