She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had sex on a roof
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
