Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
