alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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