When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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