My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
