i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
