is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
