I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
