I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
