All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
