I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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