I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
