You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize