One girl and one boy is just not enough.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
