HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize