Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
