no, he came in my armpit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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