please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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