How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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