It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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