ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
