SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
