i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've blown a few things in my day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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