what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
