Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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