I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you inspire me to be a worse person
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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