My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
