I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
