Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
