can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
