your room smells of hookers.
And success
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
