a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
